Apr 25, 2013

3 Words I Dislike

1. EVOLVE.  This word terrifies me.  I have no problem whatsoever looking at "point A" and visualizing "point B" but it's the in between process that sends my brain spinning.  I have a hard time imagining the changes something can make to get to the next level.  Like my wardrobe, for example.  It still has many college student characteristics, and dare I say even some high school characteristics lingering there.  I want to change it, to evolve it, into something that I feel utterly defines me and how I want to express myself at this time in my life.  But it's not going to happen over night (oh, if only our wallets would allow that, right?) so I have to envision it changing overtime.  But that's not easy.  I don't know what the first step is.  I also have an obsessive planner-type personality, so unless I can list everything out according to a plan...it kinda freaks me out.  The thing is, so many things in my life are at a point where they are evolving, and at a fast pace.  We're updating our home, I'm changing my wardrobe, I'm trying to grow my blog, and trying to grow in Christ.  And those are just the big things at the top of my list, we're also trying to eat healthier, cook more, save more, be more active, advance at work, makeover the family flower shop, gaining a new sister-in-law, and so many more things.  When I truly think about it, everything around me is constantly evolving, it just tends to happen at difference speeds and intensities.  Evolving isn't awful, it's just hard for me to wrap my mind around.

2. CONFORM.  This may be all too familiar for you, but I'm going to state it anyway.  "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." --- Romans 12:12  I've been having an internal struggle with the blogosphere, and perhaps that is part cause for my long absence.  Conformity seems to be so present in the blog world.  I find myself thinking that I need to write a certain way, take certain kinds of pictures, dress this way, stand that way, wear this, make that, and ultimately make my life seem so incredible that everyone who reads my blog is impressed.  But that is so far from what I find beautiful about the blogging world, the unique stories and personalities, the friendship and camaraderie, the common interests and the new discoveries.  I found that I was comparing myself to other bloggers, and big name bloggers at that.  It was having a very negative effect on me and causing me to feel somewhat worthless.  I debated on deleting my blog (yikes, I know!)  But then I came to the realization that this blog is my own space.  I can write how I want, post what I want, take pictures of what I want, dress the way I like, and no one will be forced to read it.  So I'm working towards renewing myself, I'm trying to unconform to this world.  To be myself, to be different, to be true.  And then perhaps I can know what God's will is for this little piece of the blog world, and He can actually use me, use this blog, for amazing things.

3. QUANTITY.  I cannot count on one hand the number of times I've heard lectures about quality versus quantity.  It gets repetitive, but it is so true.  Sometimes I get lost in thinking about the quantity of things.  How many times I've said to Ryan, "I love you" this week.  How many pairs of shoes I have to choose from each morning.  How many friends I have.  How many blog posts I've written this week.  But in reality, all of that is no good.  If I sent Ryan twelve texts in one day, typing "ILY" that would be fine, and he would get the point, but it's a little less effective and a little less meaningful than if I was to greet him at the door with a smile and a smooch, wrap my arms around his neck and say "I love you."  I think I had developed the wrong impression of blogging somewhere along the lines.  I thought you needed to post every single day.  I thought weekend posts were great extras.  I thought you needed to have a huge number of pages full of posts.  I thought each style post needed at least six pictures.  But if all of that sacrifices quality, it's no good.  I'm now realizing I want to write one really awesome post rather than five filler posts (like the iphone photo posts).  And I would rather have 10 super committed blog readers than 50 readers that pop by every month or so.  Quality.  I've heard it preached in the blogoshpere so many times, but it's just taken time to really resonate with me.

Three words I love.....creativity, possibilities, and uncertainty.

The first photo is from a shoot I did, of this lovely lady.

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful post, as usual. Come check out the wedding fair I attended last weekend at the Mandarin Oriental!

    xx Olivia

    Olivia's choice