Jun 9, 2014

no results, but I'm not giving up

 image source: scripture verses

It's been a little while since I sat down to write for this blog.  Life has a way of sweeping me up and getting me lost in a hurricane of to-do lists, attending events for family + friends, balancing work life with actually pretending as if I have a life, and so on.  Before I know it, it's been over a month since I typed words on a screen, and the words were scarce even before then.

I can tell God has been working something in me lately.  Sometime in my heart.  I haven't quite figured out what it is yet.  It may even take years before I see any of it come to life.  I've been feeling like this blog needs more of the written word (er, typed word).  Writing has been a long time friend of mine, helping me work through problems and different seasons of life.  It's just less often that I share those words.  But I think it's time.  To spill my heart out.  So here goes nothing, friends.

The husband and I have began a work out regimen in the last few weeks.  We've both been feeling like we've come so far from being our best self and from taking care of our bodies, we've known it was time to change.  But making that change was a difficult process to start.  Husband has lots of endurance.  Me, no so much.  We started (and stopped) many work out phases in the past and I tend to weigh myself every day and night just searching for a hint of change.  I know you aren't supposed to do that, and let's be honest, most of our bodies fluctuate weight multiple times throughout the day, so the number on the scale is not a good indication of progress.

So we began the work out.  T25, if you are wondering.  It's all about 25 minutes a day of super intense work out routines.  So it saves you time and yet still gives you results.  This seemed perfect.  And all the results I found on Pinterest seemed to indicate major changes.  I thought, I think I could do this work out, forget about dieting, and still make progress if these other people are doing both and seeing such a change.  T25 tells you to diet during the work outs.  I didn't want to listen.  I don't believe that anyone can really just change their eating habits, you have to change your entire lifestyle in order to completely change what foods you're putting in your mouth.  Husband and I feel like we are constantly busy, so fast food makes it's way into the diet way more often than it should.

So silly me thought I could do this work out and no diet.  We've finished four weeks of work out.  I have gained two pounds.  No inches lost around my waist or thighs.  No pounds lost, according to the scale.  Husband tells me I'm gaining muscle, but I'm only halfway convinced.  No results.  I might be slightly more toned in a few areas, but not enough to fit back into old clothing or anything exciting like that.

I really had my hopes set on this work out.  I just knew it was going to bring me the results I was craving.  I set my mind to not tell anyone about it until I was seeing results, partly for fear that it wouldn't work, partly for fear that I couldn't stick with it, but mainly because everyone trying to lose weight longs to hear those sweet little words..."have you lost weight?"  And somehow I thought it would feel more legit if no one had pre-exsiting knowledge of my plans to shred the pounds.

Go back in time to the Friday of week three.  We finished the (double) work out.  I measured my waist.  No change.  Checked the scale, one pound gained from the day before.  I hung my head in dissatisfaction and made way to the main bath to freshen up.  I stood there in front of the mirror looking myself in the eyes with disappointment.  And I thought to myself,

"If I don't start seeing results soon, I'm just going to have to give this up.  It's not working, and it's not worth it."

Then God stepped in.  Out of no where, a thought entered my mind.  But if definitely wasn't my own thought, I was too busy thinking woe is me.

"Isn't it a wonderful thing that God doesn't give up on you when He isn't seeing results?"

That practically knocked the wind out of me.  Of course it's a wonderful thing.  I can't image the devastation I would feel to think that God just gave up on me because I wasn't doing what He asked, and producing no results.  How scary it would be if He just left me on my own because I failed to hear Him out in His plans for my life.  If I wasn't working hard enough, long enough, or fervently enough.  He probably would have given up on me a long time ago if that was the case.  I'm so thankful He doesn't do that.  The song, One Thing Remains by Kristian Stanfill, says "your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.

Philippians 1:6 says "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."

 God doesn't give up on us, He will finish His work in us.  We may give up on God, but He never gives up on us.  His love is unfailing and unconditional.  Nothing you could do could make Him love you less.

So I'm trying to see out this phase in my life.  To see this work out regimen through to the end.  I'm not giving up on it for lack of results, and I'm not giving up on myself.  Obviously I can work harder, it loos like some meal planning is in my future.  Carefully selecting the foods I let enter my body, which is truly not my own but God's.

If there is something in your life that has left you feeling like it's time to give up on it, maybe you should rethink it.  Maybe that something doesn't need to change, maybe it's time for you to change.  That's the case for me, I have to make changes to hopefully move closer to seeing results.  I'm not giving up, and thankfully my God is not giving up on me either.

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